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Holiday decorating hacks for homes with toddlers

My house is a literal wreck this morning. To be honest, it’s been a wreck for over a week now because these kids won’t nap at the same time because of the barometric pressure, a sleep regression, or a witch has put a hex on me. I don’t know why. The gist is…NOTHING IS GETTING DONE AROUND HERE.

Sure, I have my tree up, but that was only because my husband wanted it up. I’m going to sound like the biggest Scrooge, but I kind of hate Christmas. I will admit that I like it a little more since having children, but the decorating thing never puts me in a good mood.

Having toddlers trailing behind you undoing all the hard work you just attempted obviously doesn’t help. So, if you’re like me and sick of seeing your decorations demolished, here are some LAZY life hacks.

  • Only decorate half of your tree and sacrifice the lower branches to be dusted with Cheetos and fruit snacks. OR buy the soft felt ornaments they always seem to have at Target and save those for your little one’s favorite limbs.
  • Forget about cute hearth decorations for the fireplace. There is no hack. They will be destroyed. Buy the least gaudy Christmas stuffed animals and stack them there. Call it a day.
  • Pretty candles and ceramic house displays? Sure, if you have a shelf high enough to remain safe from your 16 month old and his new obsession with climbing ALL THE THINGS.
  • Okay here’s a more positive tip. Instead of splurging on intricate ornaments and the most expensive wrapping paper because they complete your Instagram aesthetic, buy holiday themed throw pillows and blankets. You know, because they can’t break those.
  • Dollar General candles smell better than expensive ones. Okay, that was positive right? And no one is sad when they get tossed off the table to be shattered two days after you bring them home.
  • Lastly, just forget about putting bows on your presents under the tree. Unless you’re wrapping everything on Christmas Eve, you’ll be LUCKY if the name tags survive.

I know, I’m pretty much the biggest Grinch with the tiniest heart, but I’ve been burned by their tiny toddler hands one too many times and to be fair, Halloween will always be my jam. I will say that I enjoy the activities that they enjoy and we’ll call that a win. Maybe we’ll do some homemade ornaments and garland this year so they can feel more involved and I won’t be as paranoid about everything breaking.

Here are some links to unbreakable decorations (tested by real “demolition artists”)

https://www.target.com/p/4ct-knit-plush-holiday-characters-christmas-ornament-set-wondershop-8482/-/A-54557139

https://www.target.com/p/garland-felt-mitten-countdown-to-christmas-sign-wondershop-8482/-/A-54539562

Also! Target is having BOGO 50% off on wreaths and garland 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

For all the garland gatherers, your season is here!
Stock up on Christmas wreaths and garlands for the holiday.

Posted in Uncategorized

Efflorescence, old newspapers, and atomic spies

So I’ve been huffing and puffing about this old brick in my fireplace for a couple weeks now. You see it’s slowly being covered with these white patches on the exposed brick.

No, it’s not mold. I know this because I already had that minor heart attack when I saw the same splotches on the exterior walls in our basement. After obsessively googling and scraping away at the walls, I’ve determined our masonry has efflorescence, which is basically just salt deposits surfacing from porous material.

A dead giveaway of efflorescence if the way it sheds a sparkly dust when you scrape it with something. Efflorescence also dissolves in water whereas mold will not.

No biggie. It’s fine. They make cleaner for it and I figure I’ll use it on our fireplace since we actually see it every day but today we found a surprise when John started to tear out the old particle board from the fireplace insert.

At some point in the 1950s the owners decided to brick up our fireplace rendering it useless (I’m fine 🥺) and in the process they must have packed it with old newspapers. Although very brittle, they were a nice little surprise on this otherwise boring Wednesday.

We’re guessing this paper is from sometime in 1953 judging by the article on the Rosenberg’s (Atomic Spies) ☝🏼

We’re total nerds so we thought it was cool.

Here’s to hoping we unearth some more surprises in our old Craftsman to go along with the old newspapers, dirty brick, and the huge pile of coal still waiting to be used at the bottom of our coal chute.